The Dress... and then some.

It's been awhile people. I've had my fair share of drama and plans going kaputt in that time, but I promised my next post would be on the dress, and this is me, fulfilling that promise.

So, there are a lot of crazy ideas out there surrounding "The Dress", which don't even have anything to do with the style or length or cut of a dress. Apparently you have to have an emotional attachment to your dress, you have to know it's "the one", it has to make you and your mother both burst into tears and embrace in a moment of mother-daughter bliss.

That's rubbish. As soon as I found my dress (online) I knew I wanted it, and then I went and looked at other dresses that had bits of "my" dress in them (so I checked to make sure an A-line looked good on me, and compared how a square neckline would look compared to a round one, etc.). I came to the conclusion, after trying on about 17 dresses, that the dress I found online was what I wanted, so I looked around for a cheaper one, and found one that a woman was selling one for about half-price (unworn, at least at a wedding, as it arrived too late for hers and so she had to buy a second dress to wear on her wedding day). Shopping for a wedding dress online can be a pretty sketchy deal. I suggest the following website, ScamAdviser, to check if a website is legitimate, or too good to be true. I found a lot of websites offering the dress that I wanted for absurdly cheap prices. If it seems too good to be true (a dress that's §1,399 on the rack, versus $199 on a website), it probably is.

Gambling is normally bad. This is worse. Far, far worse.

So, step the first is to get rid of the idea that you need to have some kind of spiritual experience when you see or put on your dress. Maybe you'll cry, maybe you won't. Maybe angels will appear and sing praises, while strumming on harps of gold... most likely they won't. I, personally, have no real emotions for my dress. I liked it in the pictures, I liked it in person, I like it when I wear it. It fits, it's perfectly suitable for my needs - but I'm not bursting into tears every time I wear it.

The second step is to do your research. When is your wedding? Are you going to want a long-sleeve, floor-length gown What kind of neckline do you want, will it be a bateau neckline or a sheer one? Do you want 3/4 sleeves, cap sleeves, or straps with a bolero? Now, what makes things more difficult is trying to find a wedding dress that won't need to be adjusted so you can either a) wear it in the temple, or b) wear it with your garments. I mean, you can get an adjustment, but if you think, "I'll just buy this strapless dress and we can have a modest top made for it," make a deal with your parents that they can pay for the alteration and you'll buy the dress, 'cause the dress will probably be cheaper than the alterations.

Since we're on the research step, there's no better place to put this bit about the many, many, many options you can choose for your dress (click here to see images of the following).

Silhouette: A-line, ballgown, mermaid, sheath, trumpet.
Necklines: Square, scoop, v-neck, sweetheart, one-shoulder, off-the-shoulder, sheer, halter, high neck, queen anne, bateau (or boat neck), strapless straight-across, strapless slight-curve, strapless sweetheart.
Waistlines: Basque waist, dropped waist, empire waist, natural waist, princess.
Sleeve-style: Strapless, spaghetti straps, straps, sleeveless, cap sleeve, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve.
Length: Knee length, above-knee, tea length, ankle length, floor length.
Trains: Sweep, court, chapel, cathedral.

I'll throw this on, just because...
Materials: Charmeuse, chiffon, crepe, duchesse satin, dupioni, georgette, mikado, organza, satin, shantung, taffeta, tulle, plus (other options not at that link), cotton, hemp, polyester, rayon, sateen, bamboo. The vegan materials are italicised.

As you can see... There's a lot to think about. Some things, as a LDS soon-to-be bride, are a must, like sleeves (or a bolero), a back, and a modest neckline. There's also a question of whether or not you want to wear your actual wedding dress inside the temple during your temple ceremony, in which case there are other things to consider (the dress needs to be long-sleeved, or you need to make sure your temple is equipped with those fancy add-on-sleeves, which they just clip on for the ceremony. The dress also needs to be simple, and as white as can be - no ivory!). Make sure you contact the temple you plan to be married in for more of those details.

Seriously though, think about what kind of season you're getting married in. If you're getting married in the winter, you might want to re-think that tea-length dress; the same applies for summer-brides, do you really want to get caught in the August heat with that dress with 400lbs of material? Sure, it looks good on you in the air-conditioned shop, but what about in 40°C, or 104°F weather? Also, have some consideration for your men; if you're wandering around in a tea-length skirt in August, show some love and re-think having them in full-out suits with cummerbunds and vests and, and, and...

Okay, let's say you've done your research, and all you want is a dress that's modest, that you could potentially wear in the temple. Your next decision should be to go shopping.

At least, make the salespeople think you're shopping (if your options were as dismal as mine were). Now, who do you bring?

The first time I went out shopping, I brought my second mother. No, not my mother-in-law, and no, not my step-mother. This woman is my other mother, without having been my other mother.

Yikes

She's the mother of my best friends, and owns the house I spent the second-most-amount-of-time-in as I went through my troublesome teen years. She's been my spiritual support and mentor, and has taught me a lot of what it means to be a LDS-woman, -wife, and -mother. Be careful if you bring a woman like this, as she made me consider getting married in a mermaid-style dress.

Bring your lady-friends, and realise that they may be projecting their ideas of their ideal wedding dress on you. Don't bring your crazy "ohmygosh, it'sbeautiful, youHAVEtobuyit, whocareshowmuchitcosts???" friend, because they're crazy. Whether you bring your husband-to-be is up to you. Mine told me, very explicitly, that he didn't want to see me in the dress until we were married (my opinion in that regard is more along the lines of, "Hey, look at this dress that got delivered today!"). Bringing your parents is another option. I never went with my father, although I'm sure it would have been a good bonding moment.

My mother and I went together, on my last "outing" to search for dresses that looked like the one I wanted; we had a frustrating time together. My mom and I hate shopping for clothing, but add the stress of wedding dress shopping, and we were hitting our limits. The first shop we went in, she made fun of me in a couple of the dresses. She also actually started tearing up when she saw me in a sleek Roman-style wedding dress.

Styles have changed over the years, ladies.

Basically, the people you want to bring with you are the people you're most comfortable around, the people who's opinions you value. Don't bring overly judgemental people, and don't bring people who cater to your needs. Oh, and don't bring too many people, I think two would be more than enough, and three is pushing it.

Hit up Google to find the shops, ask your friends to come, and then set up some appointments for some fittings. Let them know how many people will be coming, whether you have something specific in mind, and what your price-range is. You'll be doing most of that again when you walk in the shop anyway, so it's good to know beforehand.

Check out those straps! This is not an a-typical selection.

If you actually find a suitable dress at their establishment, whip out the the plastic. For me, in Vancouver, it was extremely difficult. There wasn't a single dress I tried on that I could wear with my garments. In fact, my mother, who came to a few stores with me, asked,

"Is there, I dunno, a strapless garment you could wear?"

It's at this point I have to interject with a warning. And it's this: don't be a "bridezilla". Yes, you're getting married; yes, everyone's saying you have to have it your way, and yes, everyone is expecting you to blow up when it doesn't. But this isn't reality. You won't get everything you want, and things will go wrong on your wedding day (a post on that, later), I guarantee it.

All right, all right, sure, Katie was going to prom, and she's a 16-year-old character from Anamaniacs, but, if you check out some videos of Bridezillas from, whatever wedding-dress show is popular right now, there are more than few similarities. Don't be like that, in fact, do one better, be a...

On that note, since our wedding is already old news, this is the dress I bought: the Allure M473, from Allure Bridals' modest collection.

What it looked like on the model, on the hanger, and on me:

A last note to you beautiful ladies out there, reading this right now is just that, that you're beautiful. You're looking around for ideas for your wedding, and you're bumping and falling headlong and face-first into piles and piles of pictures of women with smaller hips, longer legs, more defined arms, and more puckered lips than you; and these women are beautiful, and we're bombarded by messages all over the place that if we don't look like these women, then there's something wrong with us. The only thing wrong with that though, is the whole thing, the whole messed up message that we need to look like someone else to be content with who we are. The truth, of course, is that we don't.

"What makes a woman beautiful? The world tries to convince us that cosmetics, perfumes, jewelry, fashionable clothing, diets, and even surgery are necessary for beauty... The Gospel teaches us that true beauty is more than skin-deep. A young woman whose countenance is aglow with both happiness and virtue radiates inner beauty." Elder Lynn G. Robbins.

Sister Patricia Holland gave a wonderful talk entitled, "'One Needful Thing': Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ", which was recommended to me by another Sister missionary while I was serving in Germany, when I was comparing myself to all the other women around me, wondering what on earth I was providing to the people in our area. We all have our own specific gifts, and one gift that we all have in common is the ability to love. 

Love is why you're getting married. Don't forget that while you're convincing yourself that you "absolutely have to have" that one thing that you won't remember on the day of your actual wedding. 

One of my favourite parts of our wedding was when I walked down the staircase in the temple to meet my husband, who was waiting for me at the bottom before we walked out to meet our loved ones. He had a look of utter shock on his face, and when I asked him why, he said it was because of how ridiculously beautiful I was.